Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Another Banner Year*

Today, the swallows return to San Juan Capistrano. It's also St. Joseph's Day, where we all remember the, um, nonbiological father of Jesus? Or whatever. I see it as a good day to eat fried pastry loaded with polysaturated fat and covered with sprinkles. Oh, and 30-some-zillion-odd years ago, I was born.

Smitten's Ding Dong cake is baked and sitting disassembled awaiting icing. Bella and I will slap it together and likely eat it right there, at the counter. As per the title song, I'll tell the parents I'm great and gloss over the medical fact that my ovarian factories are presently circling the drain. I've never been an enormous fan of teh Birthday, but now that they get bogged down in infertility and deadbaby stuff? I really hate them. A year ago, I had just made it through the first month without Maddy. I am quite different today, showered, dressed, standing, alert, blogging (!), and yet not so much. (Wait, I take that back, I have *not* showered today, nor do I forsee any time this afternoon to do so. Bother.) I feel like I just wasted a year, coping. That my big event of year thirtyblahblabhblah was: coping. I really have nothing to show for the last year; no big career move, nothing got done on the house (that I did, and I'm supposed to be doing stuff), I didn't find religion. I'm at the age where I should be pondering if I can leave my 10 and 12 year olds with the in-laws while I escape to Hawaii with the husband. Instead, I'm overweight, pondering foot surgery necessitated by trying to run again in order to lose the deadbaby weight, wondering if I can, will, or should have another child so my three-and-a-half-year-old can shut it with the "Hey mom. Today at school Frances was my sister."

The person who decided we need cake on birthdays? Thank you. I'm taking that excuse and running with it.

* Title from Bishop Allen's "News from Your Bed." Thanks to Niobe and the numerous previouslies, it's become a personal favorite. (If you'd like to listen to this cheery song about depression, follow the link to Niobe's. I'm far too lazy to figure out how to do this, especially this week after figuring out sky.pe on a mac with a blu.etooth connection. Just looking at the Odeo site made my brain hurt.)

24 comments:

sharah said...

Happy Birthday!

meg said...

Happy Birthday, Tash! I am so going to go and look up that cake, right now. At the moment, with my sugar ban, it will be rather like looking at po.rn. Thanks, I need me a little sugar viewing, today!

And I could have helped you with the sk.ype on the mac. Let me know, if you need any help. I heart sk.ype, big time.

niobe said...

Happy Birthday, Tash!

Like Meg, I *heart* sky.p3 and am not quite sure how I ever managed without it.

luna said...

happy birthday tash! that cake looks outfreakingrageous! yum.

I'm not a fan of birthdays myself. since mine is in exactly 2 months and will bring me dangerously close to 40 and further away from a child, I'm already panicking...

at least today you can have your cake and eat it too, at least in the literal sense.

Janis said...

Tash, Happy Birthday!!
Enjoy the cake and you are not supposed to shower on your birthday. the Queen just declared that Law.

((hugs)) to you. I also feel like the past year (or two, counting the pregnancy) was for NOTHING. Yes, a lot of coping, and sometimes I get into a panic how long will I go on doing "nothing" and just coping. sigh*
dh's birthday is just 3 days after Ferdi was "born". It was very tough last year, and I am not looking forward to this year, it's his big 40.

charmedgirl said...

when i looked up the cake, i found hazelnut brown butter cake. must...get...sister...to...make...

and happy f*cking birthday, tash.

Megan said...

Happy Birthday, Tash.
I'd say baking a cake is an achievement. Rotten birthdays spent feeling like a failure seem par for the deadbabymama course is my first is any lesson to be a little kind to the birthday girl, OK?

Waiting Amy said...

Hope you've already eaten up all that cake! Happy Birthday.

I just celebrated (?) crossing into the late 30s last month. It is not necessarily fun. Have a nice glass of wine tonight and get the DH to rub that foot.

G said...

Hope you have a good "if you need a reason to eat cake today is the day" day!!

Which Box said...

Happy birthday!

I <3 cake. (that's supposed to be a heart). I heart cake a lot. I may just have some cake today, in honor of you, of course.

Lisa b said...

Happy Birthday Tash!

Searching said...

Happy birthday!!! Hope the cake was uber yummy. Thanks for the excuse as to why I just ate 2 bags of maple nut whatever candy that is basically molasses and sugar. It was all for you. ;)

sweetsalty kate said...

Happy birthday Tash. I think in this first year we just need to be practical and morbid and say, "Well, it was an achievement that I'm not at the bottom of a self-imposed black hole... at least most days."

I chalk that up as something to be proud of. xoxo

STE said...

Mmmmm....cake....

Enjoy your sweets!

Amy said...

Happy Birthday, Tash!

I will have to go back and read about the cake. I love cake and I too have to thank whomever decided that cake was to be eaten on birthdays.

c. said...

Happy Thirty-something Birthday, Tash. I hope the cake was yum. Sugar and flour are quite high on my list of loves.

Antigone said...

yum yum yum

Happy Birthday!

kate said...

Happy Birthday!

Enjoy the cake. Yes, that's my standard recipe for chocolate cake too, and it is a fah-bu-lous cake. I usually use the chocolate ganache that comes with the original recipe (it's on epicurious) for the top frosting & make a chocolate buttercream for the center. And then pour heavy cream over it when it is on my plate.

Not for the diet-inclined.

Kristen said...

Happy Birthday, sweetie! Thinking of you always. XOXO

Lisa said...

Happy Birthday to you!

CLC said...

Happy Birthday Tash. I thought I left a note here yesterday but looks like I didn't get the word verification right! Duh. Hope you had a nice day.

kalakly said...

Happy Birthday Tash! I think getting through another year is something to celebrate, it's not like it was a piece of cake, pardon the lame pun, right?
Don't shower, eat lots and lots of that yummy cake and remember all of us out here who are so glad you are here, not obviously for the reason you are here, but for just being here.

a.m.s. said...

Happy birthday!

Julia said...

Happy very belated birthday. The cake, it was good, right?

And showers are extremely overrated.