Friday, November 20, 2009

Friday Afternoon News Release, Typical

Genetics called.

All chromosomes are there, all accounted for, no extras, none missing. No breaks, no obvious translocations.

It's a boy.



I'm 14+w pregnant.


:::


I suppose there's a somewhat humorous and interesting back story here (isn't there always?), but I'll have to sort through what I feel like mashing through and what I don't.

I guess the big thing is that I thought this would be hard. That I'd either be a) petrified, cowering in the closet, clutching my safety blanket and weeping while rocking back and forth and wishing a coma upon myself, or b) fighting off hope. DAMN YOU! GET AWAY YOU INSOLENT LITTLE SHIT! BEGONE! (Stamps foot, sprays poison, wields blowtorch.)

I'm neither. Frankly, I'm nothing. This has, to this point, been the most out-of-body experience ever. I stare at the ultrasound screen, and I might as well be watching television. They flip it off, and I ask when I need to come back. My due date has been said out loud to me a grand total of once, and thank goodness for short-term memory loss, because I've honestly forgotten. Something in May. Mid-May, I think. I function. I'm . . . nothing. I'm not pessimistic, which is good, but nor am I optimistic. I feel surprisingly fine, good even, which perhaps is significant, or maybe just evident considering I'm not moving to another state, I'm not bleeding, I've yet to visit the ER (knock wood, throw salt), and I don't have a two-year-old. I've been cleared to run, so I lace up my shoes and leave out the back door and inhale the Fall and it's like none of this is really happening.

And right now that's exactly what I need.

So . . . . no C-word please. You know the drill. We know if this works, um, sometime in May. Save the C-stuff for the first day of Kindergarten.

87 comments:

sweetsalty kate said...

In the interest of not doing any rule-breaking I'll make this all about me.

You just made my day. xoxoxo (infinity)

G Love said...

Shut the hell up! Whoop whoop!

Boys are fantastic, fantastic creatures.

Like sweetsalty up there, I'm happy.

claire said...

yay thats so cool you found out it's a boy early! i'm 14 weeks one day today.

I won't say the c word but i am indeed thinking it! yay!

Aunt Becky said...

I think May is one of my favorite times of year. Also, I like boys. Now, I am very, very happy. Also, check your email.

Azaera said...

Oh wow.. I really wasn`t expecting that. I even scrolled down to see if I had missed a post, but nope I`ve been keeping up. Well I won`t say the word, but I do have good butterflies in my tummy from your news.

edenland said...

Wow. I'm pretty fricken happy for you, Tash. *stifles handstand*

Life in Eden said...

Sitting with my hand clamped over my mouth.

Oh, and smiling. Boys are lovely.

Alexa said...

Only H words. Hoping! Happy!

Which Box said...

Wow. Sounds crazy to say but I was wondering.

I think I am in the clary on your behalf. May you stay calm!

after iris said...

Tash, come May I'll be sending you some of the bluest, stinkiest cheese I can find. x

Which Box said...

That's supposed to be closet.

Anonymous said...

I can't say ch*ese? That's too bad, because I eat an awful lot of it and talk about it more than I should.

MWAH! Dayna

Mrs. Spit said...

Meh, you my friend know about the "putting out the trash" press release.

I will, just to make sure, go and do some knitting now, in lovely blue.

Lea said...

Very happy for you... let the emotions come as they may. It's quite a ride, but you will make it.

Reba said...

oh my. i never knew what to think about people's responses when i gave them my own news release. so, no c-word. just my own perfectly practical advice that kept me going...blinders up. keep your eye on the prize. we are all happy for you in a way that you may not be able to be, yet.

holly said...

You made my day!

Anonymous said...

Wow. Just wow. Wishing you strength and peace.

Betty M said...

Gosh and random other British expressions not including anything beginning with c. Quietly happy for you.

janis said...

Holy cow, I am glad I decided to click on my Reader despite the mounting laundry.
Thinking of you. xo

Catherine W said...

Like Betty M above, I am also coming over all British. Spiffing news. Is spiffing alright? Doesn't start with a c?
xo

Cheek said...

This is very cool news. Dang it, I used a "c" word.

charmedgirl said...

WHA WHA WHAAAAAAAAAAAATTT!?!?!?!!!!!!

i started reading that and thought, who the fuck is she talking about? a neighbor? has she talked about a cousin or something lately?

IT'S YOU! jesus christ!!

i'm really, really thrilled to hear it. i'm glad you shat (or got off the pot). HAHA! excellent! really excellent...no matter what.

Secret Sloper said...

Wow. I've never commented here before, but I've been reading. And this made me feel happy on a seriously sh!tty day. So thanks for that.

Sue said...

So happy to read this news, and I hope there is only more good news to come.

CLC said...

Holy shit! I didn't see this coming! Not that I know what you and the hubby are doing behind closed doors:) Great news. I will anxiously hold my breath with you. YAY!!!!!!

Quiet Dreams said...

Like everyone else, I'm feeling incredibly happy right now.

Holding hope in my heart for you.

from a faithful reader who doesn't think she has ever commented before...but honestly doesn't remember

Reese said...

Waiting patiently for sometime in mid-May....


;)

k@lakly said...

Holy FUCK! I have to stop and get the lump out of my throat. I am literally weeping over here. So you can stay on auto pilot as long as you need to and I will be an emotional wreck for you.
May. Even though it also will make me a year older, I can't think of anyone else I'd rather share a birthday month with than your son.
Sending love, loads of it and peace and lastly a whole lot of ordinary and a.o.k. filled doc appts in the coming weeks.

xxoo

Elle said...

Yes!

Delenn said...

Came to your blog after an absence to this news. Thinking of you and wishing you well.

Sue said...

Oh, boy!

JamieW said...

May May be a wonderful month ;)

Alexicographer said...

Very difficult not to use the C-word so I'll go with this: what Alexa said. Hoping for you.

Beruriah said...

Wowzers. I had to check and make sure my Google Reader had directed me to the right place.

Butterflies in my stomach daring to push hope around.

loribeth said...

Mmmmppphhh!!! Trying hard not to use the c word & really having to bite my tongue. ; )

Am I allowed to say I am so friggin' happy for you??

Sending much love. xo

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

So, I take it you haven't been sick? Good, good. I'm definitely avoiding the word. So, good. Good on you. :)

Peace.

loribeth said...

P.S. As someone who works in a communications department, I appreciated the headline. ; )

Sophie said...

Okay no C- word but MAN this is HUGE!!!! With you all the way. Wow.

xxxx

Kristin (kekis) said...

Well, here's to Kindergarten then! Nope, no C words outta me!

debbie said...

holy fucking shit. no way! awesome.
now i have to go back and read the rest of the post. I didn't get that far before I had to get those first three words out.

missing_one said...

holy shit Tash! This totally caught me by surprise!

guess we're all in this journey together, huh?

*hugs*

debbie said...

okay, i read it. Tash, I can't believe it. I am so psyched for the three of you and looking so forward to watching this journey unfold. what wonderful, wonderful news.

luna said...

holy fucking crap, tash. way to drop a bomb! nice one.

K77 said...

Wow!!

Lacri said...

:)

Kath said...

Wow, Tash. Wow wow wow. I'm so bowled over, so happy to hear this. Sending you good thoughts.

J. said...

Okay...coming out of lurk mode...

Wow. *smiling*

Holding hope for you too...

B's Mom said...

Well, at leat can I tell you that I'll be thinking good thoughts for you until May?

c. said...

Wow.

Really?

Amazing.

XO.

Sarah said...

I am very rule-bound. It's a trait I desperately hope gets passed to my children. Anyway - I totally went out for a run today, too. And that after-run feeling was great. Not as good as the I-just-read-your-post feeling, but great, nonetheless.

Rachel said...

I have no creative powers left today. Not sure exactly what to say except that I'm grinning. Such a great post to read!

sharah said...

Squeee! This is a fantastic post!

Michele said...

YES!

MsPrufrock said...

Hey! You sneaky little so-and-so! To think you didn't even mention this on Friday! Exclamation marks, ahoy! Had I known this when I was at your fabulously gorgeous house the other day I would have given you another hug. Maybe that's why you DIDN'T tell me. Hmmm...

Newt said...

Hot damn. Hot. Damn.

tree town gal said...

i'm sorry. i won't C but i'll tell you i'm in tears and i have a knot in my throat. that's all i have.

tree town gal said...

and a hug to Bella... for no reason, of course... just because.

ezra'smommy said...

It was so amazing to spend such a rejuvenating weekend with you, and I am so very happy for your news. This journey of pregnancy after loss is so very challenging...here every step of the way if you need.

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I am being a rule-follower. But you said nothing about living room dancing.

Sara said...

Tash-when I was 22 I had a hysterectomy, followed by an oopherectomy a few years later, with a little mix of failed adoptions & surrogacies thrown into the mix. Today, my desire for a baby exists with the same life-sustaining need as my desire for air. We are matched with a surrogate but due to dh's "just wanna have fun" desires, we're not ttc until June. I hate just about every pregnancy announcement & I've stopped following plenty of infertility blogs once the "infertile" girl gets pregnant. But, today, I am CRYING tears of joy for you & I cannot wait to read your blog everday! I'm so excited for you, truly, and if you can understand my position-excitement for someone's pregnancy is...well, it's unheard of. I cannot wait to say the C word over & over again! Ahhhh!!!

elizasmom said...

Delurking to specifically not say the c-word.

Anonymous said...

Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh. My. God.
The most perfect, happy, wonderful news! I am so happy for you. Can't think of anyone who deserves it more. I'm not pregnant this month but now, I don't care! So so pleased for you Tash.

Hope's Mama said...

Holy crap. Just catching up. Wow. Not using the c word, but very, very happy for you. I hate the stupid c word, too.
xo

angie said...

When I read your post at first, I thought, "I would never call Tash a cunt."

I admit when I first read this, I did a little Snoopy dance in my head. Whomp, there it is. xo

Anonymous said...

Anxious worried happy excited nervous for you x

Hawkeye said...

I read that entire post with my mouth wide open. Had to physically shut it. And since it's firmly shut I will not say the "c" word either, but am totally thinking it, and so incredibly (quietly) happy for your family.

TracyOC said...

Woo-hoo! Is that ok? You didn't say anything about w's.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to give you an old-fashioned Julie-style Nothing Bad Has Happened Yet. NBHHY!!

erica said...

Happy for you with a very bright (if somewhat tentative) happiness. And I'm hoping with all my might to bring out the C-word in five years or so.

Brenna said...

So very exciting to read this post! Sending tons of positive vibes in your direction for continued...quietness, in a gently happy kind of way.

Mer said...

De-lurking to avoid the c-word but to acknowledge the terrific news nonetheless.

Jem said...

I'm not sure which c-word you mean, but it sounds dirty, so I won't say it.

What I will say is that I'm glad to hear some good news with all those BFN's out there.

Kathy said...

OMG! Yay! Wahoo! Yipee! No "c" words here...

And I totally get how you are feeling or the lack of feelings you have right now. I felt very neutral and was in a state of surealism for much of my recent pregnancy w/ Abby. But she is here now and a healthy 9 weeks old and I believe that come May you will be holding your baby boy!

Hang in there, as much as many of us want/wanted a SPAL so much, living through one is another unique character building life experience. Sending lots of support, thoughts, prayers and healthy baby vibes your way! ((((HUGS)))

Gal aka SuperMommy said...

Just keep those shoes laced and enjoy the run! (I'm happy for you, for what it's worth. You put a smile on my face with this sweet surprise, Tash.)

Kymberli said...

My reader must not be updating properly.

niobe broke the news to me at dinner tonight.

I had to force myself not to spit tea across the table and bounce up and down with glee like the waiter brought me a platter of $100 bills instead of fries.

Dora said...

OH! OH! OH!!!!!! You sneaky sneak!

Wishing for a wonderfully boring 26 weeks for you. I'm doing a happy dance in my head for you since I'm too uncomfortable right now do it any other way.

OH!!!!!! A little Taurus boy. Stubborn but full of charm.

Sending you strength and peace.

Danielle said...

Tash, I found your blog about 10 days ago while researching blogs that would help my friend whose 3 month old baby died (for no apparent reason) on Halloween. It has taken me 10 days to read it all and I wondered, as I was drawing closer to finishing, what I would say when I got to your most recent post and I knew I'd want to comment.

Well I just got there and I about fell out of my bed. After compressing your last two years into less than two weeks this is honestly the last way I thought this story would leave off! At the complete risk of sounding stupid, it's like discovering an amazing book, reading through it and when you get to the end you realize there is a sequel... in the works. That hasn't been written yet. And I have to wait for it!

Your story is beautiful, messy, compelling, unbearably sad, funny and unfinished.

And I'm so glad for that. And for you.

Anonymous said...

Also delurking to say Yayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Tracey said...

Yipes!

Happy news.:)

Orodemniades said...

Fuck me! Um, so, yeah. Boys are awesome. I'm going to be happy for you, okay?

Kate said...

HOLY CRAP.

moplans said...

wow tash huge hugs

Ellie said...

This is such lovely news. I am so happy for you.

Megan said...

THRILLED for you - in a low-key,no pressure way, natch.

Anonymous said...

Yay!

-e

hairyfarmerfamily said...

I'll cross my fingers tightly, if that's ok, for a happy event in May. Thinking of you.

Val said...

BRILLIANT! How's that, not even a "c" sound in it...
Look what happens when I run wks behind on my blog-reading - & May is only 1 month before the lovely month of JUNE (my boy's birth month), so I'll take that as fortuitous happenstance.