Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Um, Thanks, I Guess

I know many of us have jack shit to be thankful for. Because if you're like me, you're thinking things along the lines of: I'm thankful my daughter died here, and not where we used to live. (No offense to where I used to live, which was perfectly lovely, but the family, neighborhood, and especially medical situation here is wayyyyyyyyy better.) I'm thankful she died in our arms and not hooked up to machines with doctors working on her. I'm thankful one of my two daughters is alive. And really, if that's what I'm reduced to giving thanks for, that's pretty grim and sad, no? No one should be in a position to make such positive sounding propositions out of a dungheap: I'm thankful the IED only took my one leg and one eye. I'm thankful the fire destroyed my house and everything I own, but not my family. I'm thankful for this tasteless but warm dinner, because it's far better than what I normally get seeing as I live under a bridge.

Perhaps this holiday is made for the downtrodden, as a chance to reexamine life and just be grateful for existence (although I'm sure for some, existence is not all it's cracked up to be). Maybe living through hell should make us grateful for life, or family, or something. Or maybe it's for the rest of humanity to just be grateful that they're not us. I'm not sure I'm feeling so big and magnanimous, mature and introspective this year. I think I'll take a pass on the meaning and significance and aim right for the crass aspects: stuffing, gravy, pie and football. But, I must sheepishly confess that I am a bit thankful that I decided to venture out and do this blog business, and have met a most supportive, interesting, smart, and funny group of deadbabymommas and supporters thereof to help keep me sane. Have a spoonful of something bad for you, on me.


Julia said...

You know, I find that the people who tell us to be thankful for what we do have did most often are not themselves grieving. But think they know exactly how we should feel.
So yeah, I am grateful for people who let me be, however I happen to be at the moment.
And it's been bad-for-me-stuff galore here since Sunday. Extra pounds be damned.

Beruriah said...

Nothing really to add to your post and Julia's comment. Except that I think the folks who tell us to be thankful for what we do have are the same ones who are thanking G-d they're not us - "there but for the grace of blank go I." Bah.

I for one will be grateful as I plan to eat an entire pumpkin pie with whipped cream by myself.

kate said...

It is hard to be thankful for the shit that life throws at us. But it is easy to be thankful for Bourbon Pumpkin Cheesecake...

Megan said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Tash.
Canadian Thanksgiving was more than a month ago, which is sensible given that we got 10 cm of snow yesterday.
We called it "No Thanks" this year. I cooked a turkey, which we ate with our hands at the kitchen island.

meg said...

I'm thinking that "existence is not all it's cracked up to be" is right about where I'm at this year.

And you are so right, I'm pretty sure people being glad they're not me is pretty high on the thankful list this year. But, like you, I am thankful for my blogging adventures.

niobe said...

Although I don't apply this feeling to anyone except myself, a lot of the time, I feel extremely thankful that the bad things that happened, happened to me and not to my family members or my siblings or my acquaintances or my friends.

Because, frankly, I think I can deal with the pain far better than they ever could have. So, while they're thinking "Better Niobe than me," I'm thinking exactly the same thing.

But, obviously, I don't mean to suggest that this line of reasoning should be extended to anyone else who's suffering.

Searching said...

I did partake of 4 diff desserts at our NICU potluck those of us celebrating at work had. Hope you were able to enjoy an equal amount of yummy-ness. I'm thankful to have "met" you and for all the little glimpses into Maddy's life. Crazy at it sounds, I always like to read what your perspective is of things.

charmedgirl said...

i'm thankful for my soulmate friend, who is 37 weeks pregnant right now, and wished it was her and not me. i am thankful that it was me and not her; she is WAY to experienced with pain in this life.

i was so mad and sad i didn't even EAT DINNER OR DESSERT!!!!!!!!! and now i'm mad about THAT, too.