tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post493264880398320549..comments2024-03-07T05:17:50.699-05:00Comments on Awful But Functioning: Fish FoodTashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-77322746156719989222009-11-20T21:00:15.460-05:002009-11-20T21:00:15.460-05:00[url=http://firgonbares.net/][img]http://firgonbar...[url=http://firgonbares.net/][img]http://firgonbares.net/img-add/euro2.jpg[/img][/url]<br />[b]office software systems, [url=http://firgonbares.net/]linux software store[/url]<br />[url=http://firgonbares.net/][/url] quarkxpress 4, torrents kaspersky lab<br />filemaker pro 5 user [url=http://firgonbares.net/]web store builder software[/url] i need to buy software<br />[url=http://firgonbares.net/]bitdefender vs kaspersky[/url] software source store<br />[url=http://firgonbares.net/]Acrobat Pro[/url] academic productivity software<br />software shop of ameri [url=http://firgonbares.net/]convert quarkxpress to adobe illustrator[/b]Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-24094294583970692282008-07-22T11:18:00.000-04:002008-07-22T11:18:00.000-04:00Hi Tash,Kalakly thought reading your blog might he...Hi Tash,<BR/><BR/>Kalakly thought reading your blog might help me deal with my own grief. I hope thats ok. I thought it only polite to let you know that I am here and reading and can identify with much of what you are saying). I'm so sorry about Maddy.<BR/><BR/>Just so you know, my blog is at faradaysgarden.wordpress.com.<BR/><BR/>Regards,<BR/><BR/>SophieSophiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17663682329663202706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-414094232109608742008-02-02T22:09:00.000-05:002008-02-02T22:09:00.000-05:00It's a wonderful analogy. And one that I think wo...It's a wonderful analogy. And one that I think would help the greater world understand how it feels to be on the other side of the glass. And I'm honoured to swim in here with you. <BR/><BR/>I think some of it comes from my own fear about forgetting. The general collective idea of forgetting. And it certainly applies to people I have known and lost. But it also saddens me to think of the burden a single family can carry when so few people are helping them with the remembering. Remembering is the only thing that continues the web. And once that web is severed, once material items are gone, the person is lost, free-floating, forgotten. And I really can't stand the idea of a whole life being forgotten. So I'm grateful that you let me help remember. And beyond that, I think all human beings deserve to have their feelings understood. And if they are not understood upon first glance--either because of a shared experience or a common reaction--then a person has a duty to keep standing there and listening until they get it. Human emotions are too large and too important to dismiss.Lollipop Goldsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-82510805961756383212008-02-01T15:52:00.000-05:002008-02-01T15:52:00.000-05:00I thought I had commented on this, but I was eithe...I thought I had commented on this, but I was either blogging while sipping wine, or blogger ate it. I just don't know!<BR/><BR/>Anyhow, this post is spot on. I just don't know what to do with the person I am now...and the people around me, who are confused and annoyed by my grief. I am a totally different person than I was before. I don't recognize myself anymore and I seriously doubt that anyone else does either.meghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00113578396438869433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-69258900422398226692008-01-31T08:56:00.000-05:002008-01-31T08:56:00.000-05:00Wow. A perfect post.I am so, so glad to have found...Wow. A perfect post.<BR/><BR/>I am so, so glad to have found you as well.Beruriahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07171541078529309991noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-11787062335094775492008-01-30T23:42:00.000-05:002008-01-30T23:42:00.000-05:00The only thing that I can say is THANK YOU! Thank...The only thing that I can say is THANK YOU! Thank you all each and every one of you for being there or here or whatever! <BR/>When needing it the most, you are the ones I can count on to understand. IRL, there are few who do understand, there are few who are willing, compasionate, caring. Yet when I need the laugh, the "shoulder" to cry on you all are there. With metaphors and other words to make me feel less alone. <BR/>Not that I ever wanted to meet any of you, not in this way, but I am sure glad to have found you.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00912286121374215944noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-44691388295014773942008-01-30T14:29:00.000-05:002008-01-30T14:29:00.000-05:00it's funny, but i came late to the awareness that ...it's funny, but i came late to the awareness that there were others in this fishbowl, and since then find it hard to venture back outside in any deep or meaningful way...like there really isn't enough oxygen out there anymore, for who i've become.<BR/><BR/>and yet, i'm struck by what Niobe said. i am almost sure that i seem 100% myself to those who know me. even to myself. and yet i am totally different in how i relate to those others, because i am forever seeing them from inside this fishbowl that none of them share.Bonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14403701620708365171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-6205842474212904802008-01-30T11:42:00.000-05:002008-01-30T11:42:00.000-05:00(what i meant was, i think i'm sane? i don't know...(what i meant was, i think i'm sane? i don't know...)charmedgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12317107200577724625noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-33823168509250156672008-01-30T11:41:00.000-05:002008-01-30T11:41:00.000-05:00this is a great post. "it's not you, it's the dea...this is a great post. <BR/><BR/>"it's not you, it's the deadbaby."<BR/><BR/>in my case, i think it IS them. i have been the one to retreat in those cases, and it's because i don't have the energy to deal with who they are as people anymore. i do have those who ask, "what's the matter?" but i think it's because i haven't changed much in their eyes. i think i've let them forget because it's such a private thing for me; no one's had to retreat, because if they're still around, i don't show them anything...they're just easy enough for me to keep around.<BR/><BR/>all i can say is, this here fishbowl is what's keeping me sane (i think?).charmedgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12317107200577724625noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-66040747890291315192008-01-30T07:35:00.000-05:002008-01-30T07:35:00.000-05:00So right. I went through all of this when my dad ...So right. I went through all of this when my dad died - my relationships changed a lot then. With this, it's all still very early days, I'm not sure how it's playing out yet. I know that things will be different, but I'm not sure how. I actually don't really care who falls by the wayside, the ones who I really want and/or need in my life probably won't.samillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13337589389702800344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-33816895124436221572008-01-29T22:00:00.000-05:002008-01-29T22:00:00.000-05:00I'm glad I found you guys here.I'm glad I found you guys here.Antigonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09206205690072218302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-18369234425130624002008-01-29T18:58:00.000-05:002008-01-29T18:58:00.000-05:00Carole, that is so touching and heartbreaking. On...Carole, that is so touching and heartbreaking. Only kids could do that -- be totally devoid of social nuances and just do what their gut tells them.Tashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-72200908851187475822008-01-29T18:50:00.000-05:002008-01-29T18:50:00.000-05:00Tash,This is so incredibly well said. I feel so h...Tash,<BR/>This is so incredibly well said. I feel so honored to be mentioned in this post. I think most people in my life right now want to replace me with that plasma tv.<BR/><BR/>I think sometimes adults have become very weird about grief. But I don't think it needs to be that way. Zak told his friend one day (who is 7 just like him) that he was sad that his brother died...and she just put her arms around him and sat that way until he didn't feel as sad.<BR/><BR/>I wish the rest of the world could take a lesson from all of this.<BR/>~CaroleThe Goddess Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14082406024088862566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-53633765408919820802008-01-29T17:32:00.000-05:002008-01-29T17:32:00.000-05:00Thank you for remembering. I can honestly say that...Thank you for remembering. <BR/>I can honestly say that most of our friends have been very very good, at least in the beginning. Some forget now and say stupid things. A few (very few) are standing in the corner trying very hard not to look at the fish, whistling if they ever have to look this way. I don't count them as real friends now, but then they weren't really the ones doing remarkable things in the first days either. <BR/>I think because I/we have been able to participate in things and seem "normal" on occasion, it makes some people believe we are all better. This is the part that actually amazes me. It seems to me it must take willful ignorance on a part of a 30-something (or older) person with kids to believe it is possible to "get over" this. Seriously? And which of your kids would you be willing to bury and then get over it? <BR/>I am suddenly also afraid of getting to a point in a pregnancy (whatever one will get me to that point) where it is obvious. Because then I know there will be people, lots of people, saying stupid stupid idiotic things. I fear I will not be holding my tongue. What will that make me-- a fish going nuts and splashing water over the sides of the bowl?Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09745262857388007041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-84901048835230396522008-01-29T17:10:00.000-05:002008-01-29T17:10:00.000-05:00You manage to get the words out of your heart and ...You manage to get the words out of your heart and head onto the screen so well. I'm sorry the fishbowl is so cluttered and that so many would prefer to flush the whole thing down the toilet rather than hop in and see what the world is like from that perspective for awhile. It sucks to have such a small minority of real people you can count on. It's not fair.<BR/><BR/>Feb 5th is my mom's birthday. I will forever think of your Maddy around that time too.Searchinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03112896236818363817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-88191059220487797172008-01-29T17:03:00.000-05:002008-01-29T17:03:00.000-05:00It's odd, every time I read a blog of another dead...It's odd, every time I read a blog of another deadbaby mommy, I think back to where I was at the time her life fell painfully apart. Was I still happy then? Blissfully ignorant? Living contentedly in the bubble? For many yes. But for some, for those who have unknowingly followed me here, I wish. And that's the saddest part. That it never ends. More and more will join this club, yet most will have to deal with it misunderstood, alone, and as far from deadbaby blogger land as is possible. It is those women for whom I feel the most sympathy. They are different and mournful and don't have anyone in their lives that can understand and commiserate; the women who have become slugs but don’t have any deadbaby slug friends – online or IRL – to help them through this grief and the aftermath of how the world chooses to treat them.c.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02933776400434137451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-36630387123653729502008-01-29T16:43:00.000-05:002008-01-29T16:43:00.000-05:00I marvel at peoples reaction to this. I just don't...I marvel at peoples reaction to this. I just don't understand why grief causes so many to retreat. Fair-weather friends appear to have made up the majority of the people I know. <BR/><BR/>The thing I find amazing is that the people I would class as acquaintances have been the people that have adapted to me the most. Maybe because they didn't know me so well, they can allow me to be a slug instead of a caterpillar. Who knows. I just didn't expect this loss to mean I'd end up losing everything I have on top of my losing my son. <BR/><BR/>I am also amazed when I think of the women I know whose lives were unraveling as mine was. It feels like a continuum of loss that joins one woman with another, even if she doesn't know at the time. It is frightening how many of us can fit in this bowl.Coggyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07435179051565255934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-9863037022915287422008-01-29T16:33:00.000-05:002008-01-29T16:33:00.000-05:00I feel like a fish that has been plucked out of th...I feel like a fish that has been plucked out of the water because they need me back. Now I am flopping around and sucking air.G$https://www.blogger.com/profile/05010373805685335151noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-72672824517952178952008-01-29T16:02:00.000-05:002008-01-29T16:02:00.000-05:00I think I can pretty honestly say that I'm very cl...I think I can pretty honestly say that I'm very close to being back to the person I was Before. My relationships with friends and family have suffered greatly or even vanished. But me? I don't really feel that much different.niobehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10685766216611639434noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-61119695481790632282008-01-29T15:33:00.000-05:002008-01-29T15:33:00.000-05:00You put my thoughts into words well. Lately, I hav...You put my thoughts into words well. Lately, I have felt like a freak, mostly because I can tell most people are insanely uncomfortable around me now. I understand that they don't know what to say to me, but not only do they not acknowledge my loss, they don't even acknowledge me! Anyway, thanks for being able to express yourself so well. I get a lot of comfort out of reading your blog. <BR/>PS> Considering everyone I have met in Philly has delivered at the "baby hospital" where I delivered at, I am willing to bet the house we delivered at the same place. Starts with the state we live in!CLChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08030787972960755420noreply@blogger.com