tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post3118049769087325938..comments2024-03-07T05:17:50.699-05:00Comments on Awful But Functioning: When the Journey Takes Over Your LifeTashhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-57918226997299039852008-01-17T12:45:00.000-05:002008-01-17T12:45:00.000-05:00Erk. I was going to leave a comment since I thoug...Erk. I was going to leave a comment since I thought I had accidentally ignored you and then saw that I DID leave a comment earlier. Don't worry, you aren't the only fog-brain out there. :) We could all have meetings but we'd all forget about them! Hope today is manageable.Searchinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03112896236818363817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-19867941422816541892008-01-14T15:34:00.000-05:002008-01-14T15:34:00.000-05:00I don't think that saying applies to pregnancy eit...I don't think that saying applies to pregnancy either I mean I really don't want to just have to enjoy being pregnant over and over with no baby at the end of it. <BR/>We'll see what the future holds I guess. <BR/>This post has haunted me recently, I am so firmly fixed on my journey I can't help wondering how much of my life it is going to take over. I am angry at having been denied a normal pregnancy and birth. I am angry that I am now on this journey and I'm scared shitless as to where it's going to end. <BR/>And if another well meaning 'normal' person tells me they're sure it'll all be fine I may just punch them.Coggyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07435179051565255934noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-57907977071229703712008-01-12T08:30:00.000-05:002008-01-12T08:30:00.000-05:00i think after infertility AND loss, and the confus...i think after infertility AND loss, and the confusion that follows, i've come to the only rational conclusion: my reproductive self is destroyed. as a woman, that part of me will never, EVER be ok.<BR/><BR/>yes, i've done something extraordinary; i've had triplets and they are somehow all here and all ok. but their existence labels me a reproductive freak forever. i know, who gives a shit? i have live kids. but for me, it is also part of my reproductive destruction.<BR/><BR/>during my infertility years, i used to be truly grateful and thankful that i was just not getting pregnant, and didn't also experience miscarriages. i always assumed (HA!!!) that once i got pregnant, everything would be fine. we were also told it COULD happen, but who knows when and if? so at the very least, my reproductive self was just sub-par. not really THAT fucked up.<BR/><BR/>at this point, who i was is dead. i contemplate a decision that can't be made (should i try to have another baby?). i leave it to chance at this point, but i think i would rather bury this sometime soon...see but it took four months for my first period. who knows when i'll get another.<BR/><BR/>buried alive. that's what it feels like, loss and infertility. buried alive.charmedgirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12317107200577724625noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-75982367912361257822008-01-11T17:13:00.000-05:002008-01-11T17:13:00.000-05:00I don't really believe in signposts on this hellis...I don't really believe in signposts on this hellish journey. Honestly, if they existed, I would have jumped ship long ago.<BR/><BR/>Infertility, is just the most horrible thing that can ever happen to you (save for your baby dying). When you get the "pleasure" of both, it's just beyond hell.<BR/><BR/>I don't know what the answer is in all this. But I certainly understand how it feels to be living the groundhog day of despair. I'm living my own one here. Basically, I am no help. I so wish I knew what to tell you.willoughbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15572783269735273576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-46448924255351267582008-01-11T14:37:00.000-05:002008-01-11T14:37:00.000-05:00I don't think you MUST have a plan by 11 months. ...I don't think you MUST have a plan by 11 months. Other people aren't dealing with the same issues you are. And those blasted tests take soooo long that you can't even be expected to have a preliminary plan in place because you don't have enough info. So it's okay to be where you are. Completely sucks and I'm sorry for that, but don't beat yourself up for it. I hope you don't have to book another trip, but if you do I'll come along for the ride.Searchinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03112896236818363817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-6145977877285063972008-01-11T13:06:00.000-05:002008-01-11T13:06:00.000-05:00This is a shitty journey, no two ways about it. An...This is a shitty journey, no two ways about it. And yet, you don't sound done with it to me. I guess I wish you a definitive answer from the genetics people, and soon. <BR/><BR/>Oh, and dude, you are my kind of chick with the soccer addiction. We should talk about that sometime. ;)Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09745262857388007041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-79318797333046710862008-01-11T12:33:00.000-05:002008-01-11T12:33:00.000-05:00oh and that buddhist saying is bunk when it comes ...oh and that buddhist saying is bunk when it comes to pregnancy.moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-33466255782581982182008-01-11T12:32:00.000-05:002008-01-11T12:32:00.000-05:00tash I always hesitate to comment and be a total a...tash I always hesitate to comment and be a total ass but having gone through these types of unknowns with Julia I can imagine how hard it is for you to decide about another pregnancy. I don't mean at all to say that I understand, I know I have no idea.<BR/><BR/>I spoke to a mom this morning who went on to have two healthy kids after her first had complex, unexplained fatal conditions. I could tell you more about her and my experience with genetics if you are interested but it always seemed to me that more information was helpful in a way but ultimately did not answer my question of what would I or should I do.moplanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16998309937928231527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-86983202258956205462008-01-11T08:04:00.000-05:002008-01-11T08:04:00.000-05:00Great post. Signposts are too bl**dy few and far b...Great post. Signposts are too bl**dy few and far between if you ask me.samillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13337589389702800344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-38489442824653362012008-01-10T23:16:00.000-05:002008-01-10T23:16:00.000-05:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08285729064955936833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-14356202899271277032008-01-10T22:11:00.000-05:002008-01-10T22:11:00.000-05:00It makes total sense to me, feeling stuck and stal...It makes total sense to me, feeling stuck and stalled. Uncertainty and limbo are fucking hard, and you've been dealing with them for AGES now. And now you're stuck with a particularly freaky, tiny-percentages medical situation where nobody has any good answers for you yet. It's sad and shitty and frustrating and incredibly draining, and frankly your response seems entirely rational to me, hardly cause for Therapeutic Alarm. Well, what the hell do I know. I don't have anything useful to say, but you have my sincerest, deepest sympathy and solidarity.ShastaFizzyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09362183654798035831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-70087572166280933612008-01-10T21:46:00.000-05:002008-01-10T21:46:00.000-05:00Niobe: Sorry, was in no way meaning to be cryptic...Niobe: Sorry, was in no way meaning to be cryptic, just thought everyone had memorized everything I've ever written. Not. Even I had to go look up the numbers and dates: we are waiting for tests on 5 genes that are known to cause auto-recessive mitochondrial diseases. They went out end of Nov/early Dec, and will take "two months" (I'm building in a healthy buffer on the end of that.) Should these fail, there are two experimental studies on two other genes that we'll get entered into, but they sorta shrugged their shoulders as to when we'd hear about that. And of course, everything could turn up goose eggs and we're back *assuming* this is an autosomal recessive disorder of unknown origin.<BR/><BR/>Oh, and sorry again, but by egg SLASH sperm (egg/sperm) I meant one or the other, not both. My apologies. My genetics are not quite that bad.Tashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-77555466817888089142008-01-10T20:51:00.000-05:002008-01-10T20:51:00.000-05:00Well said. I'm right there with you. Stuck in the ...Well said. I'm right there with you. <BR/>Stuck in the muck of "what if" dammit.<BR/>I wish I had andswers. <BR/>For you, for me, for anyone needing them.<BR/>Just skip right to the last chapter and find out what happens. And be done with all this ttc.<BR/>sigh.girlhhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03144408575828422715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-81272273471253977582008-01-10T19:25:00.000-05:002008-01-10T19:25:00.000-05:00I have not had the type of loss you have, but I re...I have not had the type of loss you have, but I relate to all the emotions you describe. I empathize. The journey sucks.<BR/><BR/>I too think a much-desired third child would be fine with a limited biologic tie. (Isn't it possible to consider only single gamete donation?) Have you discussed any of the circumstances with the RE lately?<BR/><BR/>Making a plan can only happen when you are ready. It sounds like you might be getting there. Hoping you feel less stuck soon.Waiting Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07487061896648183375noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-60254586996582269312008-01-10T18:06:00.000-05:002008-01-10T18:06:00.000-05:00It sucks. You don't have the information you need ...It sucks. You don't have the information you need to make a decision. You might be good to go with your own gametes. Or maybe not.<BR/>Maybe what's important is you really need to get in the car and drive somewhere right now.<BR/>I think your much-wanted third child could cope with not being biologically related to you.<BR/>Feel free to tell me to fuck off. I wish we could talk over a 5 Guys cheeseburger, Tash.Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02222598464601154747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-25174582258829438562008-01-10T17:01:00.000-05:002008-01-10T17:01:00.000-05:00Oh wow, this post hit me hard. For me, my grief a...Oh wow, this post hit me hard. <BR/><BR/>For me, my grief and rage is wrapped entirely up in fertility on top of every other piece of crappiness that exists in my life. It's part and parcel of the whole thing. And it makes me stuck, too. I hope you figure out a plan and a way forward.Which Boxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14223363075283823935noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8937223408953728341.post-65737815188721375732008-01-10T17:00:00.000-05:002008-01-10T17:00:00.000-05:00Or, as another old saying goes: A journey of a tho...Or, as another old saying goes: <BR/><BR/><I>A journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly</I><BR/><BR/>What's the information that you're waiting for? I mean, if you feel like telling us.niobehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08315267454529454063noreply@blogger.com